Guest Post: A Good Brisket is Hard to Find, Part 1
Posted under: As I finished my BBQ lunch today, I heard a strange sound. I looked over my shoulder to see a baby, face covered in greasy meat schmutz, slapping another small child and cackling with glee. But actually a member of the baby’s family was holding the baby’s arm and forcing the baby to smack the other child, as the whole brood of Greasy Meat Schmutzers cackled while stuffing their faces with the nastiest brisket I have ever seen.
I’ve eaten a fair share of brisket in my day, as I really love BBQ in general. And the BBQ establishments in Lockhart, Texas, are supposed to be some of the best around. I’ve never been before, and as fate would have it, we drove right through Lockhart today so I wanted to rectify that wrong. With some assistance from Yelp, I chose Smitty’s as they had the best sounding reviews. We pulled up and parked, seeing lots of other folks around, so we thought we had made the right choice. Walking in, there was a decent sized line, another good sign. However, as we got closer to the front, the temperature rose exponentially. Like hellishly hot. Turning a corner towards the cash registers, we saw why – they had two wood burning fires actually cooking the meat right there in the building! When you order, they literally take the cooking meat out of these huge chambers where a guy cuts it to order. Pretty impressive actually, but waiting to order is so uncomfortable that we were sweating just standing there. Literally the patrons were 2 feet away from the fire while waiting in line. But hey, it’s just par for the course when wanting the best authentic Texas BBQ experience, right?
So we finally got our meat (or rather my meat, since they didn’t have turkey or chicken, the only kind of BBQ Shelby eats), then some sides and drinks (I bet they sell a helluva lot more beer after forcing people to wade through the fires of hell when they order) and sat down. I then unwrapped my butcher paper full of brisket and sausage and properly checked out the meat. It looked, well, kinda nasty. The brisket was tough and super fatty, plus it seemed like the tendons and muscles stood out as a majorly noticeable part of the meat (just look at that unappetizing photo I snapped of it in the header). I actually got the sense that I was really tearing into a piece of an animal instead of normal eye-pleasing BBQ. Now maybe this is part of an authentic Texas BBQ experience, and the flavor would knock my socks off, but unfortunately it tasted just like it looked – tough, fatty, and nasty. Like quite possibly some of the nastiest brisket I’ve ever had. I actually considered turning vegetarian as I tried to eat it, though I’m sure the gaggle of flies trying to share my lunch or the unruly patrons stuffing their faces with vomit-inducing food all around us didn’t help. Then there’s the whole sauce issue. The meat is supposed to be so amazing that you don’t even need sauce to eat it. What a crock of shit! This food was so hard to eat, sauce would have been crucial, actually. And the sausage didn’t fare any better. Oh, and the sides tasted like Smitty’s had just went to HEB and bought a huge helping of cheap potato salad, beans and slaw, then turned around and sold it to us at a mark-up. (And the lemonade also tasted suspiciously powder-esque.)
So overall, what a huge disappointment! After hearing about these places in Lockhart for so long and how great they were, it’s such a bummer to learn the truth, like learning that Santa Claus wasn’t real. And it’s really extra sad because since that meat-schmutz-faced baby I mentioned earlier is already being force-fed this shit, she will undoubtedly keep talking up this place to the next generation of BBQ seekers, and I’m sure this is how they’ve cemented their legacy. BBQ is like Coke and cigarettes, you gotta reel them in young. So just like all the fun summer movies you’ll be watching over the next couple of months, manage those expectations if you plan on venturing down to Lockhart. Now maybe the other BBQ places in Lockhart aren’t as bad (Yelp has been wrong before) but I doubt it. As I mentioned earlier I have eaten a lot of BBQ, and while places like Rudy’s or Green Mesquite or County Line do an admirable job of providing smoked meaty goodness, I haven’t really found the BBQ transcendence I’ve been looking for and reading about in other people’s reviews. Well, until recently that is… but I’ll have to save that reveal for another post because I feel the urgent need to visit the nearest toilet as this nasty-ass-wannabe-BBQ from Smitty’s forces its way through my digestive tract in extremely unpleasant and painful ways. If you walk into my house in the next 24 hours, bring matches!
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I feel so vindicated by this post! I know BBQ purists object but I adore barbecue sauce. I was so bummed they wouldn’t even give me the option at Smitty’s and the meat sure was tough to swallow without it. I found myself thinking, what was all that hype about? My favorite BBQ in Lockhart was Kreuz Market, (I did not enjoy Black’s BBQ either).
Franklin Barbecue on E 11th St (formerly in a trailer near I35 and 38 1/2 St.) has the most incredible brisket I’ve ever tasted. But you’ll have to leave Shelby at home – no turkey, no chicken. They have 3 sauces to choose from. Be prepared to stand in line for a while. I drove by there last week at 10:40 am just to have a looksee and there were probably close to 200 people already in line. They open at 11. The owner is trying to work out capacity issues but most days they’re apparently out of ‘cue somewhere around 1:30 pm.
I’ve been one of the crazy souls to wait in line for nearly 2 hours at Franklin’s and there’s a good chance it will be featured in part 2 of my BBQ review!
Can’t go wrong with Salt Lick. Even the one by the Dell Diamond is awesome, though the Dripping Springs one is certainly fresher.
I’ve been one of the crazy souls to wait in line too, except all I’ve gotten so far for my trouble is a Draft Maine Root Beer. Rumor has it that turkey is coming soon though!
I figured Franklin was your transcendent experience. Dammit, Shelby, couldn’t you have made a one-time exception?!
Never would be such a long streak to break. And after watching O’Husband eat that brisket mess at Smitty’s, I don’t think I ever will.
Shelby, have you tried ordering food from Dai Due at the downtown farmer’s market? Last week my wife and I bought the most amazing prepared chicken that we cooked at home. A couple weeks ago it was quail. In both cases we followed their cooking recommendations and it was some of the best food ever, whether cooked at home or at a restaurant! If you’re not already you may want to get on their weekly email list. If you email your order in they’ll confirm availability and get it ready for you to pick up between 9 and Noon on Sat. morning.
Oh, and btw, I used to love My So Called Life too.
p.s.p.s. I have a soundboard recording of the Foos at Austin City Limits. I’m happy to post a link for you to dl if you want it.
Thanks for the tip on Dai Due. I’ve seen the stand before but had no idea you could pre-order. I’ll have to try that one week and get on their email list.
“Used to love” MSCL? Why past tense???
I would love that soundboard recording. Is it from their ACL Fest performance or the ACL TV show taping? Either way, it would be awesome.
I said “used to” because it’s been sooo long since I’ve seen it.
I was flipping through my computer files the other day and saw I have the ACL (tv show) recording…thought of you. I mean your computer persona, haha. Here’s a dl link
http://www.mediafire.com/?2ldtwbox64sh6
set includes:
Young Man Blues
Skin and Bones
My Hero
But Honestly
Everlong
Monkeywrench
All my Life
Aurora
The Pretender
Interview
Just downloaded it and am listening. This is awesome! Thanks!
[...] Guest Post: A Good Brisket is Hard to Find, Part 1 [...]
[...] are fall-off-the-bone amazing and definitely offer up that transcendence I was talking about in my last post. However, for newbies there is an important bit of information I should add: Get thee to Franklin [...]
[...] are fall-off-the-bone amazing and definitely offer up that transcendence I was talking about in my last post. However, for newbies there is an important bit of information I should add: Get thee to Franklin [...]